Falling for forever, wonderfully wandering alone

I was scrolling down my twitter timeline today and I came across a tweet RTed by Lisa Ruocco (gag for many obvious reasons) and as much as I *dislike* her, the tweet was relevant enough for me to blog. It's a link to forbes.com where they listed down 40 Things To Say Before You Die. Whaaat is was inspirational and spiritual and all that good vibey shit kay. Something I most definitely need right now. (good) VIBES.

In the midst of all the things we should say before we die, a few words caught my eyes and hit a little close to  home.

NUMBER 28.
"How can I help you?"

Because you want people to come to your funeral, and if they can’t make it, at least they’ll miss you.

I give as much as I can to anybody who asks and sometimes without thinking of any form of consequences that might come along too. Rules of karma ain't it? You do good, you get good. You do bad, honey your favourite hoodie will rip in a blink of an eye without any warning signs. Or maybe not. Don't you ever wonder when you leave, spiritually or not, will there be people missing you? And will they be missing YOU or your willingness to help? Ponder your lovely thoughts on that.


NUMBER 18
"This is who I am."

The nervous energy spent pretending to be something you’re not is better spent on practically anything else.

Identity crisis. I wouldn't say I have it. But sometimes when you reach that point in your life where you start to second guess everything you do and find little interest in things you used to be obsessed with is a little frightening isn't it? Because you'll feel as though you're losing yourself and you don't recognise yourself anymore. To find serenity within is one of the hardest things to do. 

NUMBER 11

"I don't care."

Being able to discern between what’s important and what’s trivial is a skill that will save your sanity and your schedule.

Come on you'd be lying if you say you've never put in too much care in things you shouldn't have. I struggle to ignore the shit that would eventually ruin my mood but sometimes I just care too much. Prioritizing what's good for myself isn't my strong suit. It drives my mother mad most of the time especially when I'm too distracted with things other than my studies. (Concerts not included they are a priority to me xo)

NUMBER 5

"I'm terrified."

Fear is an asset. It can save you from danger and alert you to trouble. Don’t ignore the tingles that run up and down your spine.

To admit of being scared over a certain matter is not my thing. Break me down to my utmost core, I will not admit until I surrender. This has only happened a handful of times and if you're one of the people I said it to, you're a keeper in my books. I may run. It's true, I'm one of those kids who hides from people who cares when things get hard. Animal instincts? HAHA.

NUMBER 3

"I made a decision."

Autonomy transforms any activity from a chore to an act of destiny.

I AM BAD AT MAKING DECISIONS. If you've known me for awhile, you'll realise that I suck at making decisions. Especially for myself. I'm the kind of girl where I wouldn't know what colour of clothing to choose and ends up buying two pieces of the same clothing but different in colours. I'm also bad at making life changing decisions. I would love to say "I made a decision" without hesitation one day. 

Welp, there ya go. Out of the 40 things that were listed, 5 things made me think. There were more but these are ~special~ Click here to view the rest!

Hold me fast cause I'm a hopeless wanderer

As the evening rain touches everything on this side of town, I burn the little daylight left of the day. I'm so busy this week yet it surprises me how I would make time for things other than my studies a little too easily. One phone call sends me hailing for a cab, a sleepless night made me slumber away, the presence of a friend got me laughing until I quite literally roll down two beds, on the floor, towards the door. A downpour sends me typing away?

Two weeks into the year and I'm missing how happy I was this time, last year. I guess I would still be buzzing over Foster The People and Simple Plan. I've yet to go for my first show this year, missed a show in Australia when I literally had the chance to go (and meet the love of my life), still torn in between two shows in Malaysia, accepting the fact that Soundwave is a definite no no and I have no idea about the other show. BRUTAL SLAP IN THE FACE. Not to mention the workload I'm getting and the extra two subjects I have to take this year. My patience is wearing thin.

I need a concert soon.

"It's only human for us to want to keep a box of memories and pictures and things, and open them back up to have transport us to that time when they were taken. 

 But when we do that, we invest our emotional energy in the past, and prevent ourselves from being truly immersed in the present. I think that's why people get old - they forget how to be young because they have become nostalgic about their youth.

 The past shackles us.

 And living in the present means letting go of the past; not just the bad, but the good as well.

Nostalgia is the failure of true emotion."

- Gabe Saporta

When darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.

It's the time of the year again. The last post of the year where you reflect back what you did in the past 12 months, the people you met, what happened with the people you've known for quite some time now, the gigs, the bands you've seen, the sleepovers and all that tiny little details where maybe to some people it was insignificant and easily forgotten but to you it's the exact opposite.

The last post I've blogged about in the old blog was the Snow Patrol show. It was good. Barricade, proper concert with the sister and all. Since then I have seen We Are The In Crowd, We The Kings, Bill Beckett, The Wanted, Jonas Brothers and Hot Chelle Rae. Before that I've seen Foster The People, Simple Plan, Panic! At The Disco, The Maine, We Are The In Crowd, All Time Low and of course, Snow Patrol. All in all, I went for 8 concerts and 2 showcases. I also met 4 out of the 13 bands I saw. Not bad for someone living in Malaysia yeah? They were definitely the highlight of my year. Best show I went for would most definitely be the All Time Low show in London. I anticipated it since July of 2011 and it was exactly how I pictured it and more. My trip to London was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't think I would ever get another opportunity like that in the near future but of course, I still hope I would.

I met so many rad people this year. From the people I met at the Hopeless meet up to my classmates in college, I'm glad I met you guys :') Yes Nurul, you fall in the "classmate in college" category even though you're not my classmate. You're my ikan bismillah and thanks for the times you made tea for me when I was all stressed ass for finals, the sleepovers in my room because I don't have a room mate now and I'm all alone up there, all the shit ass funny jokes (intentionally and unintentionally) that left us both breathless with laughter at 4 in the morning and just generally helping me ever since I met you hug huuuugs. Rach for still being here after everything, all the laughter and those golden moments you've brought in my life :') Aby for always listening to me rant about nothing and everything, laughing at all the stupid shit I did and just being there in my twitter mentions and whatsapp. Fran for always being there. Nisha for never leaving my side all these years. Farah for always making me feel like we're still kids screaming to each other and hitting each other till we leave marks on our skin. Jake for being Jake HAHAH. Karen for making me laugh like hell in class and threatening to beat up the people that made me sad :') Annie and Kitty for being the nice friends they are. Lohwie, Kath, Laina, Ely, Sone and basically every single person I met this year and known all these years okay? Thank you :) <3 Oh and also my family because family is everything. Love love love.

I don't believe in new year's resolutions anymore. What's the point in listing all the things you want to change in your life but not putting in effort to actually make the change? Just because it's the "new year" we should "make a difference". In the end it flops anyway. 89% of the time. If you are serious about your resolutions then it's good for you :) In my opinion, we should "make a difference" everyday. Without reasons of it being the new year and whatnot. I know what I should change. Study more, stop thinking and wasting time on things that would in the end bring me nothing but disappointment, be nicer to my little sister, give more, learn to say no.. but the thing is, I tell myself all this every single day. Do you get my drift? Somehow I think I lost a point or two in my little rant hahah but anyways, bottom line is, be a good person every day. That's it. Not because it's in your resolution list, be nice for a few months and then get back to your old ways somewhere along the way.

I don't know what to expect next year. Like every other end of the year, I know what to expect, ya know? Now I'm just blank. It's a weird feeling. Last year's new year's eve, I sent my sister to the airport after not sleeping the whole night with both of my sisters laughing to funny youtube videos, sleeping during the day, parents went to Johor for a wedding. This year, I choked on a plastic hook and swallowed it whilst skyping Nurul at 3am, slept at 5am, woke up at 3pm, lazed around, preparing myself for another uneventful new year's eve when Rach asked me if I want to go to Loh's place :) it was a good night and I'm glad I spent it with them <3

Hope your new year's eve's all fun and dandy :D HAPPY NEW YEAR XO

A little appropriate, no? Well to me it is so too bad :p